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Life, therefore, is movement." Ludmilla Cheriaeff, dancer Virtually every day brings some sort of change. If you are joining us on this site, you know that midlife is packed with changes, both exciting and challenging. Children leave home, boomerang back, or get married. Grandchildren may enter the picture. Time and circumstance often cause a shift in a relationship with a significant other. Parents age, need more help and attention or pass away, leaving emptiness where there once was fullness. Careers peak, retirement is on the horizon. Or some of us continue working and make a dramatic change in our work situation. The "nest" gets bigger or smaller. We may move to a different region. Throughout it all we watch ourselves change. We become stronger and weaker, sustain illness and develop wisdom, or illness, go through menopause and come face to face with changes in lifestyle and appearance. If we look back over our lives, we recognize that change has been our constant companion. It is always pulling at us and directing us to the next moment. And somehow we manage to follow and adjust. Otherwise we could become paralyzed, mired in the past, oblivious to the future. How do we manage? First we need to recognize the inevitability of change in our lives. As we go through this process, which involves the passage of time, we realize that change affects our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. The coping skills we use are individual and determined by our own life experiences. As we enhance our coping strengths at this time, we minimize the discomfort that comes as a by-product of change. So each of us, in our own way, learns to deal with and integrate change. The arm that gently nudges us through changes is the process of transition. This is the act of shifting, the process by which we move from an old situation to a new one. It is essentially the same for all changes- changing jobs, downsizing, finding a new mate, or dealing with illness. The process of transition consists of 3 stages: (1) At the beginning of the process we experience a loss. For example, a job change, even if it is voluntary, means the loss of familiar behaviors, daily schedules, and structure. It involves loss of a familiar environment and some relationships. In many instances, it can involve a loss of the identity we developed through our work. A doctor loses the identity of healer when she retires. The manager loses some of her perceived authority when she shifts positions. (2) When we suffer the loss, we react emotionally, physically and behaviorally. We feel a sense of discomfort, discontinuity or disequilibrium. We may suffer sleeping or eating disturbances. Or feel unusually anxious or depressed. Or be impatient with others and ourselves. All of a sudden we notice we are reading the same paragraph over and over without remembering what we read. The world feels less friendly, more threatening. These emotions and behaviors are normal responses to loss and each of us will react according to our own experiences. (3) In time, we undergo reorganization. We begin to feel better. The sense of discomfort dissipates, the symptoms moderate, and we come to accept the change. During this stage, we harness our resources and find the motivation to take whatever action is necessary to move forward. If we lost a relationship, we can determine if we want another one and take steps to find it. If we left a job, we can mobilize our talents and contacts to explore other opportunities or to enjoy our leisure. This reorganization leads us to deeper insights, an expanded identity, and an even better level of functioning. We can emerge from the transition stronger and wiser. This process of transition enables us to take control, adjust to change, and move positively through this moment in life. And we will be better prepared for future changes that we will inevitably experience.© |
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