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Nourishing Relationships

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Top Ten Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women


No need to look up "self-fullness" in the dictionary - you won't find it. 
And it's also not likely to be in the vocabulary of women who are pulled 
between their careers, children, parents, spouse or even grandchildren. 
No matter what age women have attained, many still act the part of the 
'good girl,' responding to the needs of others first. It's fitting that 
these multitasking women are called the Sandwich Generation - since a 
sandwich often means a quick bite to eat on the run for those who don't 
have the time for a sit-down meal. 

No matter what challenges you face in your career and at home with children 
growing up and parents growing older, it's not selfish to set aside time for 
a taste of healthy self-fullness. Vow to put your feet up and think about yourself 
for once. What brings you happiness? What relieves the stress you face every day? 
What will bring balance to your life? These ten tips will guide you as you make 
plans to nourish yourself.

1. Whether you are changing jobs, having a baby, facing an empty nest, welcoming 
a boomerang kidult home, caring for a parent with Alzheimer's or anticipating 
your spouse's retirement, you don't have to cope with it alone. Find others 
in like situations or a women's group and gain emotional support as you share ideas.

2. As caring for your family-in-flux requires more and more of your energy, 
you may not be able to spend as much time with your friends. Resolve to stay 
in contact with them - even though your to-do list keeps growing and your calendar 
is full. Friendships and the social support they provide can be a potent antidote 
to the toxins of daily hassles.   

3. Schedule in some quiet, private time and do something that gives you 
pleasure - take a walk by the water, enjoy the beauty of a sunset, immerse 
yourself in a good book. Think of this as a personal retreat that provides 
the opportunity to reconnect and re-center yourself.

4. Guilt runs rampant among caregivers who often worry that they're not doing 
enough for their loved ones. Remind yourself that you're dancing as fast as you can, 
given the realities of your life situation. You don't have to be the perfect mother, 
daughter, or wife. Set your own reasonable standards rather than falling in the trap 
of trying to live up to others' expectations. 

5. Work to release additional areas of negativity - both in thought and emotions. 
When you are afraid of what the future holds in store or angry about what you need 
to cope with on a daily basis, acknowledge these as normal reactions and accept that 
they will come and go. Your frustrations and resentments make up part of the tapestry 
of your life but they need not be in the forefront. Once you understand that they are 
common responses to a difficult situation, you will find it easier to let them recede.    

6. As you free yourself from negative feelings, begin to replace them with a more 
positive attitude. In your journal, write about what you are grateful for in your 
life. End each evening by reviewing three pleasant things that happened that day 
and savor the warmth these memories generate. Let your creativity emerge as you 
explore new interests. 

7. Develop personal stress relievers to counteract the burnout that at times 
overwhelms you. Practice techniques of deep breathing, relaxation or your own 
form of meditation. Begin an exercise program that you will enjoy - commit 
to a schedule at the gym or take in the great outdoors, walking with a friend, 
biking in the neighborhood, hiking in the countryside on weekends. 

8. Give yourself the gift of laughter - look for humor in your daily life, 
share a funny movie or television show with a friend, participate in activities 
that bring you joy. After you read the news section of your daily paper, turn 
to the Comics page to lighten your mood and release endorphins. Recent studies 
have found that a positive mood creates the atmosphere for better decision-making.  

9. Ask for what you need from your family members and seek out professionals for 
their expertise and guidance. You don't have to do everything yourself. Let your 
spouse, children and siblings know exactly how you feel, what you want from them, 
and how they can do their share. 

10. Recognize that it is healthy to receive as well as to give. Taking help when 
it is offered doesn't diminish your abilities. Accept and integrate the admiration 
that others express for you. Relish the gratitude and love that your partner, 
parents and children demonstrate. 

As you decide to take better care of yourself, you will discover the strength to 
find balance in your life. Develop a firm core of self-fullness - it will sustain 
you as you continue to nurture your growing and changing family. 

© Her Mentor Center, 2008


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