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Nourishing Relationships

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The Stock Market Meltdown and Domestic Violence Awareness Month


Lost in the headlines about the presidential election and the stock market 
meltdown is the fact that October is the month dedicated to controlling 
domestic violence. The irony is that the financial shock waves are likely to 
increase the prevalence of abuse. The economic turmoil will undoubtedly lead 
to greater fears, pressure and anxiety within families facing financial 
collapse - and, in many cases, that stress will lead to battering.   


The Centers for Disease Control believes that 10% of the population is 
affected by domestic abuse, although it is estimated that only one-third 
of these cases are actually reported. It is the most common cause of injury 
for women ages 15 to 44 who suffer physical as well as emotional injury, such
as depression, anxiety and social isolation.


Why do women remain in abusive relationships? Frequently, the reason is 
fear - they have been brainwashed by the perpetrator - convinced that they 
are helpless and cannot cope alone. Or they're afraid that the abusive partner 
will harm them or their children if they attempt to leave. Another justification 
is the victims' incorrect belief that the responsibility is theirs, that they have
caused the abuse or that it is up to them to stay in order to keep the family 
together. Finally, because of a variety of psychological issues and complicated 
family dynamics, the defense mechanism of denial can remain strong. Domestic abuse
victims often refuse to see themselves as battered and don't accept the fact that 
the perpetrator will continue the abusive behavior.  


If you are afraid of your partner's anger and how he/she treats you, your children
or elders under your care, your first responsibility is to protect yourself and loved
ones from harm. Resolve to begin the tough process of freeing yourself. You may feel 
trapped and so deeply entrenched in the dysfunctional relationship that it seems you
will never break away. You can make a start by taking the following steps: 


1.	Insist that your partner participate in individual therapy as well as relationship 
counseling with you. The individual therapy should focus on areas such as anger management,
cognitive behavioral change, insight, skill building, communication, stress reduction 
and control strategies.     


2.	Get help from friends and family members. Talk with them about your concerns 
and let them know what you need from them. Educate yourself and them about domestic
violence. Tell them how to recognize that you or others may be in immediate danger
and devise code words to inform them if you need help.   


3.	Prepare to take care of yourself - emotionally, financially and physically. 
Find a therapist who will help you develop self-confidence and the life skills 
you may need to go solo. Take charge of your personal finances, open your own 
bank account, find a job if you are not already employed.


 
4.	Have an exit strategy and plan what to do if and when you leave the relationship. 
Investigate available community resources and learn about shelters in your area. Have
copies of documents you may need as well as extra clothes and cash; leave them with
a friend or neighbor so you can retrieve them later. 


5.	Immediately let someone in authority know about the abuse, if it occurs. Have 
the phone number of the local police station available - and you can always call 911. 
If the violence is directed to your children or the elderly, know how to contact the 
agencies dealing with child welfare and elder abuse.


As we move through these difficult financial times, the stresses we all face will be great.
Emotions are likely to be close to the surface as uncertainty about the state of our economy
continues. Be aware of any potential for domestic abuse in your family and pledge to learn
how to protect yourself and your loved ones from the painful trauma caused by such violence.  


© 2008, Her Mentor Center



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(c) HerMentorCenter, 2008.  All rights reserved.  The above
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