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Nourishing Relationships

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Marital Harmony despite Financial Woes


A perfect marriage would be free of financial controversy. But during this economic 
crisis, the reality is that couples need to learn new money management skills and face 
tough financial decisions – while at the same time making their relationship work. 
Not an easy task. When you use these five practical tips, you'll give yourself and 
your marriage a better chance:
 

1.	Keep the lines of communication with your partner wide open. In stressful times,
incidences of anxiety, depression and suicide ideation increase and rates of marital 
satisfaction decrease. Research indicates that close to half of all partners who cheat 
are trying to fill some emotional need. Job loss and financial instability can put
tremendous pressure on traditional family life. But trust counters fear. So talk 
about what’s going on and what you can do about it – you’ll feel less helpless and 
ready to start the ball rolling. 


2.	Try to access your money script, which is governed by a process outside consciousness
in the part of the brain called the amygdale. By understanding how your family of origin 
dealt with money, and your emotional reaction, you’ll gain insight into your own financial 
strategies. This alone can help alleviate some stress, especially if you’re feeling paralyzed
or even just stuck. If you’re focusing blame on your spouse, perhaps this process will 
allow you to look at the part you play in the present situation. You may decide to curb 
impulse spending if you realize that money and stuff are not necessarily a measure of
power or self worth.  


3.	In troubled times, share the chore of money management, regardless of who has been 
in charge of the finances in the past. This job may be more than one can handle and the 
support of putting two heads together can give you clarity about the issues. After 
listening to each other’s input and being open to compromise, make your major money 
decisions together. Take small or large steps, depending on your particular circumstances.
At this time, taking out new credit cards should be an option rarely used as this is,
in essence, living beyond your means. And that contributed to the financial mess in the
first place. As difficult as it may be, commit to a simpler lifestyle.


4.	The most important money management skill is creating a budget, enumerating what 
needs to be saved and what can be spent. Set long-term financial goals, as well as short 
term objectives that will take you in the direction of saving. Any deviations from the 
budget should be discussed and mutual decisions made. Conventional wisdom speaks to 
having an emergency cushion – that is, enough savings for living about six months in 
the event of job loss or extended health problems.


5.	As much as you want to help your children and parents, don’t take your eye off the ball.
If you're in the Sandwich Generation, you may be balancing college tuition, elder care housing 
and your own financial responsibilities. Continue to focus on your health, finances and retirement
savings. Doing so will ensure that you have the wherewithal to be an active participant in your 
children and parents’ lives while still saving for your own long-term needs. And the more your 
family does for themselves, the better they will feel about maintaining their independence.


Financial events shape how people act – the great depression beginning in 1929 affected 
entire generations as they adapted to the change in their way of life. If the predictions
come true and this is a slow economic recovery, everyone will have to adjust their mental
attitudes and create new behaviors around spending. Yet there are hidden gifts in these 
shifts – by nesting more, you have less stress, the chance to bond with family, more 
time with your partner.



These are tough times but you can draw on the strength of your relationships to get
through. As banks are having a difficult time lending money, this is your chance to 
make an investment in your marriage - it can turn into a welcome source of security 
and comfort. And can you think of a better time than now? 




© 2008, Her Mentor Center


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