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Nourishing Relationships

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Avoiding Infidelity: 8 Tips to Keep Partners Faithful 



The news media thrive on streaming information - and gossip - about the exploits of 
high visibility couples. The general public has been well informed about the infidelity 
of John Edwards, the visits to call girls by Eliot Spitzer, the on-going splits of
Hollywood couples. Polls report that approximately one-third of marriages have experienced 
an affair by one of the partners. How then do the other two-thirds resist the temptation 
to stray? As Paul Newman, married over 50 years to Joanne Woodward before he died, 
explained it, "I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?"

Recent research has identified some functions of the brain that make it easier to 
remain monogamous, particularly for women. When placed in a situation where an outside 
flirtation is possible, a subconscious alarm is set off and women react by not paying 
attention to the appealing threat. Instead, they express more commitment to their 
relationship. Men's brains do not automatically protect their relationships in the same 
way but can be trained to do so by visualizing and planning how to avoid the enticement. 
Additional studies have shown that when strong love is at the forefront, it is harder 
for the brain to pay attention to, perceive and recall the appeal of an attractive outsider.       


So, with physiology and love on your side, here are 8 tips to make it easier for you 
and your spouse to stay faithful.


1.	Invest in your partnership. Make time for your relationship just as you would for 
any valuable asset. The efforts that you put into growing and developing it will be 
returned in multiples. Use each other for support as you are going through the myriad 
challenges of life.


2.	Keep up the romance. Remind each other why you fell in love. Set aside time to be 
together and focus on each other. Be free with your affection and warmth. Tap into your 
sensuality and find new ways of exploring and expressing your sexual relationship together.   


3.	Enjoy each other. Be playful and have fun together. Laugh and bring humor into your 
daily life. Plan some adventures - discover new activities you both like to do. All of 
these bring more pleasure into your relationship and encourage real intimacy between you.


4.	Give compliments freely. Sometimes it seems easier to criticize and complain 
than to praise and acknowledge positive behavior. Adjust your antennae to be more 
attentive to the actions you want to reinforce. When you are thinking something nice, 
say it out loud to your partner.


5.	Keep your communication open and honest. Talk out misunderstandings before they become
full-fledged arguments. Use the same conversational etiquette with your spouse that you 
would with anyone else you care about and respect. Practice active listening skills 
and sending I-messages.


6.	Use cooperation and compromise. Be flexible in resolving your conflicts. Remind 
yourself to look at the issue from your partner's perspective as well as from your own. 
Ask yourself if it is more important to be right and win the argument than to protect 
your relationship.


7.	Deal with anger. Once you have expressed negative feelings, find a way to let go 
of the hostility. Resist holding on to resentment and avoid the emotional baggage of
planning retribution. Learn to forgive your partner and to apologize for your own mistakes.


8.	Build basic trust and loyalty. If you are devoted to one another and to your 
marriage, your behavior will reflect this deep commitment. Knowing that you are 
dedicated to the needs of each other gives you both the confidence to pursue your 
own goals out in the world.


When you take the responsibility to incorporate these 8 techniques into your relationship, 
you increase the odds of being there for one another through the years. And it's nice to know 
that your brain function is hard wired to support you in these efforts to stay close to home.

 


© 2008, Her Mentor Center


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