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                   STEPPING STONES (TM) 

                          Issue 14 

                        November, 2002 

Welcome to "Stepping Stones" (TM), the newsletter of 
Her Mentor Center (TM).  Each month we highlight a 
mid-life women's personal transition story.  We identify the 
specific skills illustrated in her story that you might find 
valuable in your own life.  In addition, we recommend and 
review valuable resources for you.  We are excited to be 
sharing experiences and information as we all journey 
through mid-life. 

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This month at a glance: 

I.    Suzie's Story: "Need" is a Funny Word 

II.   Stepping Stones: Reflect on Your Needs 

III.  Recommended Resource: Her Mentor Center Archives 

IV.   Our Invitation to You 

V.    About Us 

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    I. Suzie's Story: "Need" is a Funny Word 

Here I was, 59 years old, 28 years into the legal profession, 
remarried for 13 years and enjoying a secure and satisfying 
relationship with a truly special person.  My children are grown 
and well settled into positive and long term relationships; we 
have four grandchildren and one more anticipated in the future. 
I have a lovely home, good health (except for some minor 
mechanical problems), lovely friends, warm sibling relationships, 
and time to read, garden, listen to music, and knit.  What more 
could anyone need? 

"Need" is a very funny word.  One thing I need is for my work to 
be challenging, interesting, and enormously satisfying.  Another 
thing I need is a plan for my career path.  In each position I 
have had, I have set goals for myself - I promised myself that 
I would work diligently to accomplish these goals.  If I met my 
goals, I would move on.  After a reasonable time, if I could not 
accomplish these goals, I would still move on. 

In my last position, some goals had been reached, but the nature 
of the job changed and I became removed from the work that I 
loved. I am not complaining - I developed new skills and 
broadened my interests. 

So, in keeping with my promise of not overstaying my welcome, 
I began to scour the papers for other opportunities.  I also 
considered retiring at age 60 and taking art courses.  Why? 
Because throughout my schooling, the one area in which every 
teacher concurred was my lack of artistic ability.  I couldn't 
draw, paint, sculpt - or even color in the lines!  So I was 
determined to learn. 

But I soon became disenchanted with the notion of retirement. 
Sure, my hair is white, there are lines around my mouth, 
it takes a few minutes to straighten up my body in the morning. 
I can remember all of the animals that comprised the Flubadub 
yet I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen. I fall 
asleep in a chair - much as I remember my grandmother doing. 
But I just wasn't going to give in to aging. 

While scanning the legal rag sheet, I saw an advertisement for 
a position on an important State Commission.  Why not? 
So I put together my resume, which had not been updated in 
umpteen years.  The next thing I knew, the application was in 
the mail.  I received a call and was asked to come in for an 
interview. Interview!  I hadn't been on an interview in 13 years! 
I'm old! I look old!  Who's going to hire an old lady?  HELP! 

No sooner was the job offered than I had a huge panic attack. 
What am I doing?  Why am I leaving a job that I know in an office 
that is only 10 minutes from home to go to a job about which I 
know very little in an office that is a 40 minute commute each 
way? What about reading, listening to music, knitting, enjoying 
the grandchildren, gardening?  AM I MAD??? 

No.  I know exactly what I am doing.  I am not an old person - 
I am an energetic person who feels that I have so much more to 
learn, so much more to do, and so much for which to be grateful. 
Also, I have goals for this job - goals that I think I can meet. 
And think about it, if I can't accomplish them in five or six 
years, I should leave, and if I can accomplish them in that 
amount of time, I should leave anyway to make room for newer, 
fresher and better ideas - besides, then I'll be over 65 and 
on Medicare! 


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     II. Stepping Stones: Reflect on Your Needs 

This isn't the first time we have explored shifting gears in 
mid-life. We have heard from Claudette, Maxine, Marika, Lisa 
and now Suzie - each has chosen a path that was right for her. 
Every woman's story is different and her situation unique. 

What each has in common, and is emphasized in Suzie's story, 
is the importance of recognizing your own needs.      


** Suzie needed to rock the boat - a very comfortable boat! 

Why would you change your life if things were going well? 
What would help you recognize your motivation for change? 
If you were to change, reflect on which path you would take. 
Would you return to a previously unfulfilled dream?  Would 
you try something new? If life is good, what helps you 
appreciate the moment? 


** Suzie needed to stretch herself through new challenges 
  and learning. 

What are your needs?  Are they financial, creative, social, 
intellectual? Do you need to have stimulation, serenity, 
beauty, balance in your life? Is it important for you to be 
productive, to give back to the community, to be supportive 
of others?   


** Suzie needed to to set goals for herself. 

Is goal setting helpful to you or is a spontaneous process 
more your style?  If you are a goal setter, how do you choose 
your goals?  How do you make and execute your plan to reach 
them? If you "go with the flow," what gives you momentum? 


Whether you are now thinking about shifting gears or enjoying 
the pleasures of the moment, we hope you find these steps useful. 



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       III. Recommended Resources: 


"Authentic Happiness" by Martin E.P. Seligman, 2002 

Will meeting your needs make you happy?  Dr. Seligman 
demonstrates how you can identify and use your own personal 
strengths to achieve a fulfilling life.  Based on current 
research, this insightful book outlines strategies 
to help you experience "authentic happiness." 


HerMentorCenter.com "Archives" 

Review the Archives of other women's stories and the related 
Stepping Stones. This may help focus your thinking by 
identifying elements in situations addressed by other women 
which resonate with you.   


HerMentorCenter.com "About You" 

We are asking you to share a part of yourself with us.  Please 
take a few minutes to let us know what is important to you 
and how you go about taking care of yourself.  With your 
participation, by responding to our questionnaire, we will be 
able to broaden the results of our on-going research. 


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                 IV. Our Invitation to You 

Do you have your own transition story?  We invite you to 
share it with our readers for the benefit of women who 
themselves may be dealing with similar changes.  The skills you 
used may be Stepping Stones for others.  If you are interested, 
please e-mail us at HerMentorCenter@aol.com. 

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                        V. About Us 

HerMentorCenter.com provides information, support and 
direction for women undergoing mid-life transitions.  Having 
made these transitions ourselves, we are available to mentor 
you and to be your partners in mid-life. 

Her Mentor Center (TM) does not provide psychotherapy, 
consulting, or any other psychological or medical services 
or treatment.  If you feel the need for psychological help, 
you should contact your local mental health professional 
associations. 

To subscribe to "Stepping Stones" (TM), our free monthly 
newsletter, sign up at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/newsletter.html

To unsubscribe, go to 
http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/ 
newsletter.html and click "unsubscribe." 

To contact us, write to us at our e-mail address, 
Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com, 
or by telephone at (818) 773-7795 

Newsletters are available in our archives at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/archives.html


(c) HerMentorCenter, 2002     
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