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                   STEPPING STONES (TM) 

                          Issue 9 

                        February, 2002 

Welcome to "Stepping Stones" (TM), the newsletter of 
Her Mentor Center (TM).  Each month we highlight a 
mid-life women's personal transition story.  We identify the 
specific skills illustrated in her story that you might find 
valuable in your own life.  In addition, we recommend and 
review valuable resources for you.  We are excited to be 
sharing experiences and information as we all journey 
through mid-life. 

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This month at a glance: 

I.    One Woman's Story: The Making of a "Gorgeous Grandma" 

II.   Stepping Stones: The Value of a Mentor 

III.  Recommended Resources to Explore 

IV.   Our Invitation to You 

V.    About Us 

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    I. One Woman's Story: The Making of a "Gorgeous Grandma" 

    At age 45, I had a terrible divorce.  I use the word 
terrible because it was something I had neither expected nor 
wanted.  After 25 years and two college-age sons, my husband 
phoned me from out of town to say he was not coming home.  He 
hurt me so incredibly by walking away without even talking about 
it that I could not forgive him.  I had been so tuned in to 
his needs that mine were secondary for 25 years. What was I 
to do?  What did I want to do? 

    While married, I had returned to college, which made him 
unhappy - even though he had given his approval.  After the 
divorce, I finished school because I did not know what else 
to do. 

    I was graduated at age 50, cum laude, and was very proud 
of my achievement but, after spending years as a struggling 
student, I was lonely and at odds with myself.  I sold our big, 
suburban home and moved into a one-bedroom apartment in Boston. 
I thought a new environment would refresh my life and help me 
start anew. 

    It didn't work. 

    Looking for the ideal situation, I held a few jobs over 
the years and moved from city to suburb again.  Each time I 
interviewed for a new position I felt overqualified, over- 
educated, or discriminated against because of my age. 

    Out of desperation, I decided to work at an upscale 
boutique department store.  Although I did not like that either, 
I needed the money.  Ironically, from this job came many 
subsequent changes.  To avoid boredom at work, I began to 
write newsletters to my customers who were mostly over 50 and 
unhappy with themselves. My inspiration to write a book came 
from dealing with these women on a daily basis. 

    I decided one evening that I had a lot of information I 
wanted to share and that if I were going to do anything 
worthwhile in my life, I had better start now.  The following 
day, I purchased a computer and began a computer refresher 
course at my college.  I then began an outline for a book, 
spending many nights researching and writing until 1 or 2 
in the morning. 

    When I told a newspaper friend about my project, she had 
her editor review a few articles and, lo and behold, almost 
overnight I became a newspaper columnist.  Within a year's 
time, I was syndicated and my column, "A Guide for Gorgeous 
Grandmas," had a readership of over 150,000. 

    The real change in my life occurred when I returned to 
the career office at Wellesley College.  Because of the 
encouragement of the Director at that office to do the book 
and any other projects related to "Gorgeous Grandmas." I began 
to smile again - perhaps the first real smile I felt in my 
heart for many years.  I had found a calling, a purpose, a 
raison d'etre.  And someone believed in me and my work!  It 
was almost too wonderful to be real. 

    What brought these changes in my life?  It was the 
recognition of my self-worth from my new identity as a writer 
plus the ongoing encouragement I received from the Director 
of the Career Office.  I woke up, finally, to realize my value 
as a person, not merely as a wife.  I recognized that I had 
educated myself, experienced the highs and lows of being single 
and very lonely, and I had finally found a genre through which 
to express myself and feel valued.  I decided no only to finish 
my book but also to mount a website where women over fifty 
would be celebrated, respected and appreciated. 

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     II. Stepping Stones: The Value of a Mentor 

    Alice spent many years after her divorce searching for 
direction and self-fulfillment.  Through her relationship with 
her mentor, she began to believe in herself and was able to 
move forward with her work. 

    During difficult moments in our lives, our sense of self 
can become threatened, undermining our self-esteem.  As we 
develop our identity during childhood and adolescence, many 
aspects of self-esteem come from the validation of others. 

    By the time we reach adulthood, we have internalized our 
sense of self and become more comfortable with our identity. 
At times of change, we again need a source of external 
validation to help restore self-esteem. 

    Because mentors offer positive feedback and validation, 
they are valuable at these times of change.  During transtion 
and beyond, it is helpful to take advantage of another woman's 
experience, knowledge and understanding.  Through encouragement 
and collaboration, a mentor can support us emotionally. 
Knowing we are in a safe place allows us to express ourselves 
freely and explore new ideas. 

    The mentor's perspective can help us focus our thoughts, 
consider our options and begin to implement our choices.  Her 
experience can provide information, resources and objective 
feedback. 

    Our relationship with a mentor can empower us to take 
our own steps, restoring our self-esteem. We can each say, 
as Alice did, "I began to smile again - perhaps the first 
real smile I have felt in my heart for many years."   

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       III. Recommended Resources to Explore 

   www.gorgeousgrandma.com

You have just read the story of Alice Solomon, the creator 
of this unique website.  Gorgeousgrandma.com focuses on the 
needs of single women over fifty.  It offers resources on 
health, beauty, relationships, business and travel.  In 
addition, it includes excerpts from newsletters, advice and 
the opportunity to participate in discussion groups. 

    "Learning From Other Women:  How to Benefit from the 
    Knowledge, Wisdom and Experience of Female Mentors" 
    by Carolyn S. Duff. 

Through personal stories about mentoring relationships and 
experiences, this book provides a practical guide for women 
who want to enhance their lives and careers.  The author, 
Carolyn Duff, encourages women to reach out a take advantage 
of the wisdom and experience of other women.  After reading 
this book, you will recognize the unique and positive 
opportunity that women can provide for other women. 

    Resources for Career Change 

Although the web is a vast source of information, don't 
forget to also take advantage of you local resources, such 
as area newspapers, employment agencies and colleges.  Many 
colleges now have programs or courses that specifically 
address the needs of the midlife student.  In addition, you 
may want to contact civic, cultural or religious institutions 
for information and training. 
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                 IV. Our Invitation to You 

Do you have your own transition story?  We invite you to 
share it with our readers for the benefit of women who 
themselves may be dealing with similar changes.  The skills you 
used may be Stepping Stones for others.  If you are interested, 
please e-mail us at . 

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                        V. About Us 

HerMentorCenter.com provides information, support and 
direction for women undergoing mid-life transitions.  Having 
made these transitions ourselves, we are available to mentor 
you and to be your partners in mid-life. 

Her Mentor Center (TM) does not provide psychotherapy, 
consulting, or any other psychological or medical services 
or treatment.  If you feel the need for psychological help, 
you should contact your local mental health professional 
associations. 

To subscribe to "Stepping Stones" (TM), our free monthly 
newsletter, sign up at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/newsletter.html

To unsubscribe, go to 
http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/ 
newsletter.html and click "unsubscribe." 

To contact us, write to us at our e-mail address, 
Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com, 
or by telephone at (818) 773-7795 

Newsletters are available in our archives at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/archives.html

(c) HerMentorCenter, 2002     

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