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                   STEPPING STONES (TM) 

                          Issue 10 

                        April, 2002 



Welcome to "Stepping Stones" (TM), the newsletter of 
Her Mentor Center (TM).  Each month we highlight a 
mid-life women's personal transition story.  We identify the 
specific skills illustrated in her story that you might find 
valuable in your own life.  In addition, we recommend and 
review valuable resources for you.  We are excited to be 
sharing experiences and information as we all journey 
through mid-life. 

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NOTICE: We have had problems this past month with our 
subscription service.  If you receive more than one newsletter, 
please e-mail us at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com and we will 
rectify the problem. 

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This month at a glance: 

I.    One Woman's Story: The Single Life is Not For Me 

II.   Stepping Stones: Putting a Man in Your Life 

III.  Recommended Resources: Books and Websites to Explore 

IV.   Our Invitation to You 

V.    About Us 

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    I. "Gorgeous Grandma's" Story: The Single Life is Not For Me 

I hated being single.  I really missed the company of a man. 
I am from a generation where my identity was being a wife. 
Without the marriage, I felt I had no identity.  At least with 
a man, I felt useful and worthwhile.  I was also very lonely. 
I missed being one-half of a relationship. 

My social life was terrible.  I  was over fifty and still 
attractive, but perhaps not young enough.  I didn't know how 
to begin to meet men who I felt would be of interest to me. 
I attended work-related social functions and a few singles 
dances.  I placed personal ads in selected magazines and 
newspapers.  Yet I met very few men with whom I wished to 
socialize. 

I didn't like making conversation with strangers; I didn't like 
feeling rejected; I didn't like dating a variety of men; I 
didn't like the disappointment of most men not being the man 
of my dreams.  Once in a while I would meet a man who was 
interesting, but I never dated anyone for very long.  I was 
looking for a husband and most men didn't fit the bill. 

I had a series of relationships that just didn't work in the 
long run - blind dates, long distance relationships, dates with 
newly separated men.  I think I stayed in these relationships 
longer than I should have because I found it much more fun 
socializing with my friends in the company of a man than it was 
all by myself. 

As time went on, I realized I was my own worst enemy when it 
came to dating.  I had set standards for a man that were 
unattainable.  I decided that if I didn't want to live alone 
for the rest of my life, I had better revise those standards. 
Rather than a long list of criteria that a man had to have 
before I would consider him a worthwhile candidate, I chopped 
that list down to three. 

It seemed to work for me!  I now have been living with a 
wonderful man for almost six years.  I met him on a blind date. 
He is 5'5", I am 5'8" (I had wanted tall).  He doesn't dance 
(I love to and had wanted a man who did).  Now I have that 
very special fellow who loves me and respects and appreciates 
my work.  What else could a woman want? 

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     II. Stepping Stones: Putting a Man in Your Life 

"Gorgeous Grandma" has outlined some of the steps it takes 
to find a companion, mate or lover at this stage in our lives. 

Timing:  Recognize when you are ready to put yourself back 
out into the world. 

Education:  Familiarize yourself with the singles world by 
utilizing books, seminars and the internet. 

Courage:  Be willing to take risks and face possible rejection. 

Realistic Expectations:  Mr. Perfect doesn't exist and you 
probably wouldn't want him anyway! 

Take Action:  Get back into the habit of socializing. 

Adaptability:  Be flexible, open-minded, creative and try 
something new. 

Utilize resources:  Consider dating services and being fixed 
up by friends.  Personal ads and the internet are available 
but make sure you investigate them carefully. 

Open-up:  Live your life as if you mean it and you'll meet 
active, like-minded people.  Explore new hobbies, volunteer 
work and leisure activities. 

Tenacity: Don't get discouraged; this could be a long process 
but well worth the effort. 

Believe in yourself and you'll attract people who 
want to be with you! 

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       III. Recommended Resources: Books and Websites to Explore 

www.GorgeousGrandma.com 

This website is full of information and resources for single 
women who are interested in finding companionship.  Visiting 
this site may be a simple, non-threatening way to begin this 
process. 


"The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again" by Tina Tessina 

This is a comprehensive guide that offers encouragement and 
good ideas for women re-entering the dating scene.  It provides 
tools for assessing needs, researching options and 
making decisions. 

"Sex over 50" by Joel Block and Susan Crain Bakos, 1999. 

This practical book offers realistic information about how 
to develop a richer, more intimate sexual relationship.  It 
dispels myths about sex over 50 and helps the reader 
overcome physical and mental obstacles to sexual satisfaction. 

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                 IV. Our Invitation to You 

Do you have your own transition story?  We invite you to 
share it with our readers for the benefit of women who 
themselves may be dealing with similar changes.  The skills you 
used may be Stepping Stones for others.  If you are interested, 
please e-mail us at . 

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                        V. About Us 

HerMentorCenter.com provides information, support and 
direction for women undergoing mid-life transitions.  Having 
made these transitions ourselves, we are available to mentor 
you and to be your partners in mid-life. 

Her Mentor Center (TM) does not provide psychotherapy, 
consulting, or any other psychological or medical services 
or treatment.  If you feel the need for psychological help, 
you should contact your local mental health professional 
associations. 

To subscribe to "Stepping Stones" (TM), our free monthly 
newsletter, sign up at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/newsletter.html

To unsubscribe, go to 
http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/ 
newsletter.html and click "unsubscribe." 

To contact us, write to us at our e-mail address, 
Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com, 
or by telephone at (818) 773-7795 

Newsletters are available in our archives at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/archives.html


(c) HerMentorCenter, 2002     
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