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                   STEPPING STONES (TM)

                          Issue 2

                        April, 2001

Welcome to the second issue of "Stepping Stones" (TM), the
newsletter of Her Mentor Center (TM).  Each month we will be
highlighting a mid-life woman's personal transition story.
We will identify the specific skills illustrated in her story
that you might find valuable in your own life.  In addition,
we will recommend and review valuable resources for you.  We
are excited to begin sharing experiences and information as
we all journey through mid-life.

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This month at a glance:

I.    One Woman's Story: Life After Breast Cancer

II.   Stepping Stones: Journey Towards Health

III.  Recommended Resources: Websites and Books to Explore

IV.   Our Invitation to You

V.    About Us

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    I. One Woman's Story: Anna, Life After Breast Cancer

As I crossed the "finish line" in the pouring cold rain, I
felt the exhilaration of my accomplishment, knowing that I
had begun to trust myself again.  I realized that it had
taken a long time for me to finally come to terms with the
disease that had threatened my life.

A few years before, having finished my treatments for breast
cancer, I believed that I needed to put the entire experience
behind me.  I decided that I was finished with it all - the
private stomach-knotting fears that hit me before each follow-
up test, the utter exhaustion I had felt during radiation
therapy, the tightness under my arm from the surgery to remove
my axillary nodes, the worry that a recurrence might require
chemotherapy.  I was certain that I could put it all away and
never think about it or talk about it anymore.

And here I was in good health, not thinking much about breast
cancer except during my check-up appointments.  Yet there was
a part of me that felt like I had never really acknowledged
the sisterhood I shared with millions of other women who had
had breast cancer, that I had been so busy protecting myself
from my feelings that I had not fully experienced them.

When I heard about the event, pairing fund-raising for
charity with a strenuous challenging physical activity,
I immediately knew that participating would not only help
others but would also help me acknowledge the sense of
vulnerability that sometimes overwhelmed and deeply saddened
me.  I hoped that taking part in the event would help me
begin to trust my body and eventually feel whole again.

At first the goal, walking 60 miles in three days, seemed
like an impossible task but I decided to make the commitment.
Soon I began to learn so much about myself: I could set a
challenging goal that I could accomplish, I could open up to
the support of others without feeling like I was weaker
myself, I could set aside time and energy "just" for me, I
could enjoy a mysterious, close bond with so many other
women just because we had shared a life-defining experience.
And, in the end I learned that with unconditional support
from those women and other friends and family, I could
trust myself to accomplish a difficult goal.

Finally with the acknowledgement and recognition that I
allowed myself to accept after I crossed the finish line,
through my tears, I knew that I would have the strength
to continue rebuilding myself, body and soul.

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     II. Stepping Stones: Journey Towards Health

Anna began to take several steps that helped her cope with
her breast cancer.  You may also find some of these helpful
if you are faced wtih a serious illness.

(1)  ACCEPT AND EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS.
After a brush with cancer, it is normal to feel many
different emotions such as anger, fear, worry, anxiety,
depression, stress or loss of control.  It is important
to express these to people you trust and acknowledge them
to yourself.  Only then can you begin to cope with them.

(2)  RECOGNIZE THE CHANGES IN YOUR BODY.
You may feel that your body has betrayed you, leaving you
feeling vulnerable and with a loss of innocence about your
own invincibility.  You will need to grieve this loss.
In addition, you may be experiencing side effects of the
treatment such as fatigue, stiffness, lymphedema, weight
gain, as well as menopausal symptoms.  Once you clarify
for yourself how your body is reacting, you can address
each of the symptoms in your efforts to alleviate them.

(3)  ENJOY THE SUPPORT OF OTHERS.
Your family and friends can provide a network of support
for you.  Breast cancer support groups, either in person
or on-line, may also be helpful.  Support is beneficial
in several ways: someone to listen to you when you need
to express yourself, someone to give you information and
feedback, someone to help you with practical matters such
as an errand that needs to be done. Support will be there
for you if you look for it and ask for it.

(4)  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Pamper yourself - you deserve it.  Set aside time for
beginning or continuing an exercise program that includes
aerobics, flexibility and strengthening exercises.  Enjoy
eating a more healthful diet rich in fruits and vegetables.
Schedule relaxation time for yourself to decrease the
stresses in your life.  Learn visualization techniques.
Think about what you really like to do and do it.

(5)  REDIRECT YOURSELF TOWARD ACTIVE GOAL SETTING.
In order to regain control of your life, reflect on what
priorities are important to you and then set a goal within
your reach. Identify your strengths and build on them as
you plan how to achieve your objectives.  Journaling may
be helpful to you as you consider strategies and options.
Initiate your plan in small steps and review your progress.

(6)  MAKE SOMETHING POSITIVE COME OUT OF THE SITUATION.
Women who are able to find some positive meaning in such a
negative situation often experience growth as well as a
greater sense of control and feelings of confidence and
optimism.  Think about how you can use the unique
perspective you have gained to make the rest of your life
richer and more meaningful.

(7)  TAKE CREDIT FOR THE CHALLENGE AND THE CHANGE.
Recognize and accept that you have faced a difficult
challenge in your process of healing.  Give yourself
credit for the hard work you have completed to get to
this point in your recovery.  You have learned about
yourself and made changes in the way you think, feel,
act and react to yourself, others and the situation
around you.
  
We hope you can find in Anna's story what resonates for you
and tailor those Steps to your own situation.  We will be
here to help you with more stories and "Stepping Stones"
in the months to come.

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  III. Recommended Resources: Websites and Books to Explore

(1)  The American Cancer Society has created a comprehensive
and informative website, reached at www.cancer.org with
numerous, helpful sections.  Among other things, you can find
information about their volunteer activities, such as "Making
Strides Against Breast Cancer," or "Relay for Life," and about
their Breast Cancer Resource Center. They provide a list of
books and websites of interest. There is a discussion area,
"Cancer Survivors Network" for survivors and caregivers.
You can also find the location of your local ACS office.     

(2)  There are many websites providing information about
breast cancer and the opportunity to participate in message
boards or chat rooms.  You may want to communicate with other
women who may be experiencing some of the same concerns you
are. For example,The Women's Information Network Against Breast
Cancer operates a website at www.winabc.org and Living
Beyond Breast Cancer can be reached through www.ibreast.org.
(Please note that we do not endorse any advertisements that
may be found on these sites.)

(3)  If you would like to find out about 
alternative or complementary types of treatment for breast cancer, visit 
www.nccam.nih.gov, for clear and accurate information.  This is the official 
website of the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine at 
the National Institutes of Health.

(4)  There are many books written by other professionals to
assist breast cancer survivors with their transition to
recovery.  You may want to look at "Living Beyond Breast
Cancer: A Survivor's Guide for When Treatment Ends and the
Rest of Your Life Begins," by Marisa C. Weiss, M.D. & Ellen
Weiss or "Spinning Straw into Gold," by Ronnie Kaye, a
psychotherapist.
 
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                 IV. Our Invitation to You

Do you have your own transition story?  We invite you to
share it with our readers for the benefit of women who
themselves may be dealing with similar changes.  The skills you
used may be Stepping Stones for others.  If you are interested,
please e-mail us at .

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                        V. About Us

HerMentorCenter.com provides information, support and
direction for women undergoing mid-life transitions.  Having
made these transitions ourselves, we are available to mentor
you and to be your partners in mid-life.

Her Mentor Center (TM) does not provide psychotherapy,
consulting, or any other psychological or medical services
or treatment.  If you feel the need for psychological help,
you should contact your local mental health professional
associations.

To subscribe to "Stepping Stones" (TM), our free monthly 
newsletter, sign up at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/newsletter.html

To unsubscribe, go to 
http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/ 
newsletter.html and click "unsubscribe." 

To contact us, write to us at our e-mail address, 
Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com, 
or by telephone at (818) 773-7795 

Newsletters are available in our archives at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/archives.html


(c) HerMentorCenter, 2001    

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