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                    STEPPING STONES (TM)

                           Issue #30 

                         November, 2005

Welcome to "Stepping Stones" (TM), the newsletter of
Her Mentor Center (TM).  Here we highlight issues
important to mid-life women and identify information  
that you might find valuable in your own life.  We are 
excited to be sharing experiences and information 
as we all journey through mid-life.

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This month at a glance:

I.    Dotsie’s Story: Finding Purpose in Mid-Life

II.   Stepping Stones: Journaling

III.  Resources 

IV.   Our Invitation to You

V.    About Us

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     I. Dotsie’s Story: Finding Purpose in Mid-Life


In this newsletter we feature the mid-life transition of 
Dotsie, a bona fide member of the “Sandwich Generation.”   
She writes about how a contemplative period after the death 
of her Mother helped her prepare for the empty nest.  

"Honey? It's Dad. I'm at the emergency room with Mother 
and the doctor wants her to see an oncologist before she 
leaves. They think she has cancer."

I had no clue how Dad's words would change my life.

I was absorbed in family life as a stay-at-home mom. 
Volunteering at schools, church, and neighborhood defined 
me. Mom's news made me drop every bit of it except one 
project so I could help care for her. I'll never regret it.

The diagnosis was cancer. She chose treatments and they 
sucked the life right out of her. She survived seven 
heart-wrenching months. The Lord took her Irish soul to 
dance the streets of heaven on St. Patrick's Day shortly 
after we feasted on corned beef and cabbage in the next 
room.

I felt a void and lack of purpose following Mom's death. 
No longer volunteering or caring for Mom, my days were long. 
My oldest was soon leaving for college with the two younger 
ones flying the coop shortly behind him. What was I going 
to do with my life? I felt empty. What did I want to be 
when I grew up?

I've always looked at life as seasons: a time to work, a time 
to raise children, and a time to well, what exactly? That was 
the question.

I recall the time my husband and I wanted to start our family. 
We endured four years of infertility. That was another time 
life was on hold. Aching to have a baby, we adopted our son 
and got pregnant while waiting for our little girl to arrive 
from Korea. We had three children in three years. Life has 
been a wonderful roller coaster ride, but the ride's coming to 
a halt. I'm at the other end and find myself searching again.

What do you do when life throws you for a loop?  It happens 
to all of us at some point.  Women divorce, lose jobs, have 
kids move, lose loved ones, and life goes on.  

How do you find your purpose?  Here are five tips that 
helped me through my soul searching and gave me a 
renewed sense of meaning.

1.	Spend time alone:  Set aside time each day for quiet 
reflection. Journal, pray, and consider your purpose in life. 
What is important to you? Why are you here? Make lists 
and work it out on paper.
2.	Focus on God-given gifts:  Consider what brings you joy. 
What makes you tick? What are you passionate about? Is 
there something you can do with that passion to rejuvenate 
your life?  God gives all of us gifts.  Tune in and decide 
how to use the gifts to fulfill your life purpose. Work isn't 
a hardship when you align your passions with your profession.
3.	Open up to others:  Don't be shy. Tell loved ones what
you are going through. They know you best and can share
your strengths and weaknesses. They can help you discover 
what to do with your life. Rely on them for advice and 
guidance.
4.	Research:  Get online and do career searches. Today's 
technology allows you to post a few words in a program and 
have a list of careers at your fingertips. Use community 
colleges' occupational data-bases. Sign up for a class that 
piques your interest. Go to the library. Hit bookstores. 
Wander the aisles until something strikes you and read 
ferociously.
5.	Get busy:  Be diligent until you have answers.  Work 
at your future with enthusiasm. You are the one in charge
Make changes. Soul search. You'll be glad you did!”


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      II. Stepping Stones: Journaling

At a time when many women feel at loose ends, Dotsie 
marshaled her resources.  As you reflect on her story, 
consider how her reactions might relate to your own.  Begin 
to examine your own emotions and behavior in the face of 
crisis and transition.  

We have found that, for many women, keeping a journal is 
a valuable tool for self- awareness.  It can be a freeing 
experience as there is no one right way to journal.  You are 
in charge and you should do what works for you.  Either 
establish a regular pattern by journaling daily or write when 
you feel stuck.  In this way, you can both sort out any of your 
jumbled internal thoughts and also have a catharsis or 
emotional release.  If you are still caring for your family 
at home, it is likely you often do not have a chance to focus 
primarily on yourself.  Now is the time to give thought to 
what you need and want.

Remember when you had a diary as a young girl and shared 
your most intimate thoughts with this “best friend.”  Now, 
once again, the act of committing your private feelings to 
paper can add clarity to your thoughts about a particular 
issue.  The continuity you create by tracking your reflections 
will lead to greater insight.  Naturally, the more value you 
place on and attention you pay to this strategy, the more 
you will benefit from it.  And as you continue to evaluate 
your situation, you will gain a deeper understanding.  
Realize that this is a major first step toward planning and 
implementing change. 

So get comfortable and focus on what is on your mind 
these days.  Without too much deliberate thought, write 
about your concerns, feelings and ideas:  

***	What is coming to an end?
***	What is beginning? 
***	What is its significance? 
***	How does it affect you? 
***	What kind of help do you need?  
***	Who can you go to for understanding and guidance? 
***	How can you give to yourself? 
***	What is the source of your strength and power? 
***	What are your long-term goals?
***	What small steps can you take toward them?

        
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                	III. Resources

Dotsie is the founder of the National Association of Baby 
Boomer Women.  She has developed two websites, 
www.BoomerWomenSpeak.com and www.nabbw.com, 
dedicated to women helping women.  Until the end of 
December, as a courtesy to our Her Mentor Center readers, 
the NAABW annual membership fee has been reduced from 
$75.00 to $50.00. For more information, email: dots@nabbw.com.  
Visit these websites and find a warm and welcoming community 
of women, thought provoking forums, and a virtual library 
of diverse and interesting material.


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                  IV. Our Invitation to You

Do you have your own transition story?  We invite you to
share it with our readers for the benefit of women who
themselves may be dealing with similar changes.  The skills you
used may be Stepping Stones for others.  If you are interested,
please e-mail us at 
mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. .  

If you have not yet responded to our
"About You" questionniare
on the website, please tell us about yourself and we will 
include the data in our research. 


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                         V. About Us

HerMentorCenter.com provides information, support and
direction for women undergoing mid-life transitions.  Having
made these transitions ourselves, we are available to mentor
you and to be your partners in mid-life.

Her Mentor Center (TM) does not provide psychotherapy,
consulting, or any other psychological or medical services
or treatment.  If you feel the need for psychological help,
you should contact your local mental health professional
associations.

To subscribe to "Stepping Stones" (TM), our free monthly
newsletter, sign up at:

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/newsletter.html

To unsubscribe, go to 
http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/ 
newsletter.html and click "unsubscribe." 

To contact us, write to us at our e-mail address, 
mentors@HerMentorCenter.com, 
or by telephone at (818) 773-7795 

Newsletters are available in our archives at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/archives.html

(c) HerMentorCenter, 2005.  All rights reserved.  The above
material may not be copied to another web site without the
express permission of HerMentorCenter.com.   
  

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