Return to Archives Page

Newsletter Archives

**************************************************************

                    STEPPING STONES (TM)

                           Issue #24 

                         November, 2004

Welcome to "Stepping Stones" (TM), the newsletter of
Her Mentor Center (TM).  Here we highlight a mid-life 
women's personal transition story.  We identify the
specific skills illustrated in her story that you might 
find valuable in your own life.  In addition, we 
recommend and review pertinent resources for you.  
We are excited to be sharing experiences and information 
as we all journey through mid-life.

**************************************************************

This month at a glance:

I.    Two Women's Story: Foul Weather Friends 

II.   Stepping Stones: The Path They Followed In Building 
	A Relationship

III.  Recommended Resources: Websites to Explore
	
IV.   Our Invitation to You

V.    About Us

***************************************************************

     I. Two Women's Story: Foul Weather Friends 

What a gift we have been given in this holiday season.  
For several years we have encouraged women to write to us about
their own experiences in midlife. We have also encouraged the 
use of support as a coping technique to help women through 
transitions.  Recently we received a letter from two women 
that validates both the importance of support and the creativity 
of our readers.  Here is their story as they both speak.

From Sally:

"Do you ever marvel at divine intervention where God quietly 
takes you by the hand and says, 'Go this way.'"

I first met Debbie Harwell at our husbands' company conference 
in June 2000. I, Sally Fugazi, suggested we "keep in touch" 
via e-mails when we returned to our respective homes in 
different cities.  Thus began our unlikely journey from 
corporate wives to best friends and, ultimately, authors of 
a women’s e-zine and book. 


"Life is too short to be miserable!"

Odd but true, we became friends over the cyber waves within weeks.  
Through e-mail conversations, we shared our joys & traumas as 
midlife family women: teenage children, elderly parents, 
grandchildren, hormones, biopsies, loose skin, and even clinical 
depression--to name a few daily issues!  Progressing to the more 
intimate, honest language of best friends, we mentored each other 
through the dark and light times. 

From Debbie:

"...amazing growth can come from the most devastating events..."

Just three months into our trade of friendly e-mails, I began 
suffering from depression/anxiety brought on by the stress of 
caring for my aging parents and my father’s death. Panic attacks 
prevented me from even walking out the door. When I confided this 
to Sally, she responded with the most comforting words I’d ever 
heard, "I have been where you are." 

Knowing Sally had survived depression/anxiety to live a normal 
life again gave me my first ray of hope. Mentoring me via our 
e-mails, Sal offered guidance on how to find the right medical 
help; she provided "comic relief," making me laugh on days I 
thought I’d never laugh again; and she encouraged me to develop 
my long-buried spirituality.  Having a friend’s support gave me 
strength. Humor kept life in perspective. Spirituality provided 
comfort and the confidence to know I could handle future 
adversity. 

Surprisingly, even during the worst days, I was able to give 
something back to Sally in return, making her smile and offering 
advice for her own midlife struggles. I was her sounding board: 
the listener who could give her encouragement and a new 
perspective. We became "candles in the darkness" for one 
another.

Today, midlife transitions continue to arise and test us 
physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Sally’s 
son is an Army Specialist manning an Abrams tank in Iraq. 
My husband lost his job to corporate downsizing just as my 
youngest child was leaving for college. Being two very different 
women, I safely operate "inside the box" while Sal thrives 
working "outside the box." Our common ground is our continued 
reliance on friendship, humor, & faith as valuable tools for 
surviving the latest transitions with a positive attitude and 
a smile on our face!

From Sally:

"...if you think we should share this pile of blah, blah, blah 
with other women..."

When Deb discovered she had inadvertently saved all our e-mails, 
it took her months to convince me that we should compile them 
into a book with the goal of helping other women on their 
journey. We chose 1 PM, Sept. 11, 2001, to begin our editing. 
After our world was rocked that morning, we felt the spirit of 
being "candles" was needed more than ever and decided to keep 
our appointment and to dedicate our book to helping others 
through darkness. The following spring, we launched 
www.candlesinthedarkness.com, an e-zine to share information, 
ideas and inspiration on topics of interest to women.

Fast forward 3 years: our true story is now a book.  
Candles in the Darkness, released in April 2004, is proving Deb 
right: our women readers are laughing, crying, and identifying 
with our experiences, and now, asking for a sequel! We'll have to 
check our e-mails...
 
**************************************************************

      II. Stepping Stones: The Path They Following in Building
                        	a Relationship 


This dialogue from Debbie and Sally, newly published authors, 
suggests several means of dealing with our own life transitions.  


 1.  Debbie and Sally are open to new experiences and willing to 
get on the information highway.  In this high tech era, e-mail 
offers easy, instant and inexpensive communication.  It frees 
them from time and place constraints.  There is no need for 
answering machines, no worry about missed messages, no concern 
about changes in time zones or long distance rates. Sally and 
Debbie take advantage of this modern miracle and continue to 
reap its benefits. 
 
**  Who are the people you could re-connect with through new 
     technology?
**  How could your life be enriched by learning and applying 
    new technology?

2.  They were strangers when they met, yet they felt an instant 
connection.  Both took a risk and trusted each other with 
intimate details of their lives. They shared feelings of anxiety, 
depression and fear. The risk paid off! They found a treasure of 
mutual support and friendship that gave them strength through 
difficult times.

**  Is there someone you have been reluctant to ask who could 
    help you through difficulties?
**  Could you allow yourself to share your own anxieties and 
    trust that someone could listen and understand?

3.  After experiencing losses, these women used the powerful 
coping tools of humor and spirituality to enable them to find 
both meaning and closure. 

**  What methods have helped you cope in the past? 
**  How could you expand your coping tool kit now?  

4.  Both Sally and Debbie profit from the contact with each other.  
Although they function differently, they celebrate their 
differences and still find common ground. They recognize the 
mutuality of a friendship and both women grow from the infusion 
of new energy.
 
**  Who are the people in your life whose differences can 
    enrich you?
**  In what ways does your life change when you support a 
    friend?
	 
Both Sally and Debbie have the wisdom to realize that transitions 
are constant - that change is the only certainty in life. 
They know that with practical coping tools, including their 
friendship, they can maneuver through their transitions now and 
in the future. 

**************************************************************

        III. Recommended Resources: Websites to Explore

Sally and Debbie have mined their own experiences, their e-mail 
relationship, and started a new chapter in their own lives. 
They are now published authors of "Candles in the Darkness" and 
operate a stimulating website, www.CandlesInTheDarkness.com.  

We invite you to re-visit our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, 
and the article on support.  While you are there, you can click 
on the "Archives" and re-read some of the Stepping Stones 
Newsletters.  Perhaps these stories could provide support as 
you experience your own transitions.   

As a meaningful holiday gesture for your "friends who have 
everything" why not suggest that they subscribe to our 
newsletter for new ideas, effective techniques, and support.


**************************************************************

			WE NEED YOUR HELP

Our next newsletter will be addressing long-term relationships.  
Please share your comments, feelings, questions, advice and we 
will include them.

************************************************************** 

                  IV. Our Invitation to You

Do you have your own transition story?  We invite you to
share it with our readers for the benefit of women who
themselves may be dealing with similar changes.  The skills you
used may be Stepping Stones for others.  If you are interested,
please e-mail us at 
mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. .  

If you have not yet responded to our
"About You" questionniare
on the website, please tell us about yourself and we will 
include the data in our research. 
                  
**************************************************************

                         V. About Us

HerMentorCenter.com provides information, support and
direction for women undergoing mid-life transitions.  Having
made these transitions ourselves, we are available to mentor
you and to be your partners in mid-life.

Her Mentor Center (TM) does not provide psychotherapy,
consulting, or any other psychological or medical services
or treatment.  If you feel the need for psychological help,
you should contact your local mental health professional
associations.

To subscribe to "Stepping Stones" (TM), our free monthly
newsletter, sign up at:

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/newsletter.html

To unsubscribe, go to 
http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/ 
newsletter.html and click "unsubscribe." 

To contact us, write to us at our e-mail address, 
mentors@HerMentorCenter.com, 
or by telephone at (818) 773-7795 

Newsletters are available in our archives at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/archives.html


(c) HerMentorCenter, 2004.  All rights reserved.  The above
material may not be copied to another web site without the
express permission of HerMentorCenter.com.   
   

*************************************************************