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                    STEPPING STONES (TM)

                           Issue #31 

                         January, 2006

We welcome you to "Stepping Stones" (TM), the newsletter of 
Her Mentor Center (TM).  Here we highlight important issues
and valuable information.  We are excited to share experiences 
with you as we all journey through mid-life.

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                    FLASH - IMPORTANT NEWS:

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                   Message from the Mentors
 
The message Rosemary, Phyllis and I have been proposing to you 
for the past six years on this website is: change is a normal 
part of life and midlife is chock full of it!

I am now experiencing a change that will prevent me from being 
an active partner in HerMentorCenter.   As many of you know 
through your own experience, there is a time when one becomes 
more involved in parents' lives. This is my moment. I know my 
folks' time with me is limited, and I choose to be with them 
as much as I can. I want to get to know them better - as they 
are and were - to settle old issues and help make their 
existence as comfortable and fulfilling as I can. I foresee 
this as a happy and satisfying choice.
 
This change will involve a loss since I have thoroughly 
enjoyed working on HerMentorCenter. There will be initial 
sadness as I withdraw, but I will weather the transition and 
come to a richer appreciation of my time with Her Mentor 
Center.  I hope my participation has impacted you in some 
positive way.

I am really bad at goodbyes! This is hard for me. But I look 
forward to the future with confidence knowing how rich the 
experience with my parents will be. There will be many 
cherished moments for the three of us.

Goodbye, my sisters in midlife. I wish you the best that 
life has to offer - love, health, resilience, consciousness 
and fulfillment.

Adina 


We support Adina's decision but we will miss her and her
valuable contributions. Working together over the past seven 
years, we have each grown and learned alot from one another. 
The solid foundation that we have developed for Her Mentor 
Center during that time will not change.  The two of us are 
still here to bring you Stepping Stones, share your stories 
and offer mentoring as your partner in mid-life.  

Phyllis and Rosemary 

 
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                      The Purpose Prize 

We want to alert you to an innovative opportunity sponsored by
Civic Ventures, a think tank that develops programs to help 
people of retirement age give back to society.

Their "Lead with Experience Campaign" is a a three-year 
initiative that invests in mid-life social innovators by 
recognizing outstanding achievements and channeling 
assistance to these new pioneers. 

As part of their initiative, Civic Ventures is now offering 
The Purpose Prize.  It will award $100,000 to each of five 
Americans over 60 who are combining their passion, creativity, 
experience, and entrepreneurial skills to find new solutions 
to society's toughest problems. Do you know someone who should
take the Prize? Nominations are open until February 28. 

For more information or to nominate an outstanding candidate, 
go directly to www.leadwithexperience.org. 


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This month at a glance:

I.    Inga and Ellie's Story: Two Friends Retire 

II.   Stepping Stones: Create Your Recipe for Midlife

III.  Resources 

IV.   Our Invitation to You

V.    About Us

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     I. Inga and Ellie's Story: Two Friends Retire
 

We had been friends for some thirty-five years when we retired 
simultaneously - Ellie as the Dean of Students and Inga as an 
Instructor of writing and literature.  Our husbands had retired 
some time earlier and were encouraging us to follow their lead.  
As we did, we knew that we were giving up careers that had 
been deeply satisfying, had served to identify us as 
professionals, and had lent purpose to our lives.

Together we explored our losses - salary, social contacts, 
and intellectual stimulation.  Gradually, we came to realize 
that it was up to us to transform all three losses into gains 
if we were to reach the level of contentment in retirement 
that we had experienced in our careers.

It is difficult to give up a salary, not only because it 
literally feeds us but also because our culture identifies us 
by the money we make.  Instead we focused on the value of 
Time.  No longer under contract to play a role in the market 
place, we had coins of time to spend as we chose, to engage 
in the world and to seek new creative forms of living.

Social contacts were still important to us.  We realized 
this was no longer the "given" we had come to expect in 
our work lives, where interaction with colleagues and 
students was not only a privilege but also a necessity.  
With our coins of time, we now had the collateral that 
allowed us to seek out new relationships and renew old 
friendships.  We were keenly aware of how much the demands 
of family and careers had left little time for an active 
social life. 

Among many other things, we both liked to read and to cook.  
So Ellie joined a reading group that Inga has led for the 
past twenty years.  And Inga began to devote more time and 
attention to the texts as well as to new and longstanding 
members of the group.  Dinner parties with old friends and 
new acquaintances stimulate discussions and companionship, 
illustrating the original meaning of that word "cum pane," 
with bread. 

Engaging in activities we have not tried before is yet another 
way to spark our dendrites and keep our brain cells active.  
We took a Spanish class together, in preparation for trips 
to Mexico and South America.  Ellie is experimenting with 
painting watercolors, and Inga has learned to hand quilt.  
Playing bridge and doing crossword puzzles are other ways 
to stimulate ourselves mentally and have fun.  

Our most daunting and risky, yet satisfying, enterprise 
has been the book we wrote and published.  It is based on 
our discussions about both our current stage of life and 
our common vision for the future.  "When Professional 
Women Retire: Food for Thought and Palate" celebrates 
women's ways of knowing how to live the good life in 
retirement. We posit the examined life as a basis for 
the good life.  As we accord our stomachs and our minds 
equal importance and function, we also offer recipes 
we have cooked, shared, and cherished throughout all 
our years of friendship.

Salmon Pate 

7 oz. cooked salmon (or halibut)
8 oz. cream cheese
1 T lemon juice
1 T grated onion
1 tsp. prepared horseradish
1/4 tsp. liquid smoke
1/2 cup chopped walnuts or pecans
3 T chopped parsley

Combine salmon, cream cheese, lemon juice, onion, 
horseradish, and liquid smoke in food processor or 
blender.  Process until smooth.  Stir in chopped nuts 
and parsley and transfer to a crock. Refrigerate until 
ready to serve.  Serve with crackers, baguette slices, 
or Swedish knackerbrod.

Inga Wiehl and Ellie Heffernan  


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II. Stepping Stones: Create Your Own Recipe for Mid-Life

Now let us offer you our guidelines for creating a recipe for 
the next chapter of your own life:

CLEAR the counter and your head, in preparation.  In the past, 
when you tried a new recipe, did you feel excited to take a risk, 
not knowing the outcome?  Or were you more skeptical, wanting to 
stay with the old familiar, tried and true?  Now is the time to 
give yourself permission to experiment. 

START with a big bowl - a treasured one that has meaning from 
your past or a new, funky one that fits your present lifestyle.  
Be sure it is large enough to hold all the elements of your 
wisdom, passions and friendships.  

COMBINE all of the Friendships that have sustained and supported 
you through the years with the new ones you are nurturing now.

MIX in the Experience and Wisdom that you have acquired over 
the decades. 

ADD your Passions - what is most meaningful for you - the parts 
of your life that make you feel most creative and engaged.

In another bowl, SEPARATE what you are letting go of from whom 
you are deep inside, and reserve the flavor that remains -  
your core Identity.

BLEND your Identity and your desires for Meaning and Purpose, 
to give your batter richness and texture.

SEASON with Risks "to taste," as it suits your fancy - use 
just a pinch or a generous handful.

BAKE slowly.  As your mixture rises and grows in the warmth, 
be aware of its transformation and potential.

ENJOY the special and unique flavor of your own mid-life 
creation and share it with those who mean the most to you.


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                	III. Resources

Inga and Ellie offer a mix of recipes and wisdom in their 
delectable book, "When Professional Women Retire:  Food for 
Thought and Palate."  Included in the appendix are references 
to books, magazines and websites about retirement.  They also 
provide information about activities and organizations you can 
explore as you bring structure to your new life. Inga and Ellie 
describe "chautauquas," gatherings that are an especially 
entertaining way for women to join together and share ideas.  

www.CivicVentures.com
 
Civic Ventures, founded in the late 1990s by John Gardner 
and Marc Freedman, has been redefining the second half of life 
as a source of social and individual renewal. It brings together 
older adults with a passion for service. In these ways, 
Civic Ventures is helping America realize an experience dividend. 

You will find this website helpful as you discover new ways to 
use your work and life experience productively in retirement.

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					IV. Our Invitation to You

Do you have your own transition story?  We invite you to
share it with our readers for the benefit of women who
themselves may be dealing with similar changes.  The skills you
used may be Stepping Stones for others.  If you are interested,
please e-mail us at 
mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. .  

If you have not yet responded to our
"About You" questionniare
on the website, please tell us about yourself and we will 
include the data in our research. 


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                         V. About Us

HerMentorCenter.com provides information, support and
direction for women undergoing mid-life transitions.  Having
made these transitions ourselves, we are available to mentor
you and to be your partners in mid-life.

Her Mentor Center (TM) does not provide psychotherapy,
consulting, or any other psychological or medical services
or treatment.  If you feel the need for psychological help,
you should contact your local mental health professional
associations.

To subscribe to "Stepping Stones" (TM), our free monthly
newsletter, sign up at:

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/newsletter.html

To unsubscribe, go to 
http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/ 
newsletter.html and click "unsubscribe." 

To contact us, write to us at our e-mail address, 
mentors@HerMentorCenter.com, 
or by telephone at (818) 773-7795 

Newsletters are available in our archives at: 

http://www.HerMentorCenter.com/archives.html

(c) HerMentorCenter, 2006.  All rights reserved.  The above
material may not be copied to another web site without the
express permission of HerMentorCenter.com.   
  

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